People requesting this type of apology are asking the other person to acknowledge the impact of a word or deed-even when that impact wasn’t intended and may have been of benign intent. This is the type of apology I frequently hear requested in my mediation work, and it’s often mistaken for the "I’m at fault" type. It’s the kind of apology associated with an action that had tragic or predictable consequences. This one’s the big kahuna, the apology that’s usually the most difficult to give and the one that makes us feel most vulnerable. The act of apology can be more fulfilling and a little less of a quagmire if we can be clearer about the type of apology we seek or offer. During mediation, I’ve had many parties say some version of the following: "I did want to apologize to them months ago, but my attorney told me it would put my assets at risk because it could be taken as acknowledging legal fault." The sad irony is that some of these matters may have escalated precisely because the exchange of apology and forgiveness was prevented. Or they may feel they deserve to get an apology more than give one.Īnd, in a litigious environment, offering an apology can feel like a very big risk indeed. But apologies are often hard to offer because the giver may feel vulnerable, blamed, or shamed.
Since many conflicts involve one party-or both-feeling injured by the other, the ritual exchange or offering of apology can be central to a problem’s true resolution. Much has been written about the power and importance of apology in conflict situations. It’s his fault that all this happened." Said the other, "Yeah, I’m sorry. I won’t sign the agreement until I get it. Then one of them wrote, "Ok, now I want an apology from him.
The online mediation took several weeks of message exchanges and the parties jointly crafted a complex and effective resolution to their real estate dispute. I recently mediated an e-commerce dispute between two parties whose geographic locations made it unrealistic to be in the same room.
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